we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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