Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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