oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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