**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
