hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
