we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
