i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
