You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
