somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
