mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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