maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
