And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm really busy with my period
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