why didn't you poke me back
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
