Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
