I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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