Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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