i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
