I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
