Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Randomize
