You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
