I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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