I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
