I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
