I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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