you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
