Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
