shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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