dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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