just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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