i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
