There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
