We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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