I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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