People with herpes should wear stickers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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