R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i already hear my dad disowning me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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