i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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