He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
