my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
