He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
