Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
