were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
