Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
