homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
