Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(508): View more from Massachusetts

just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them

Fav 10 4253 947
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

Fav 36 7361 893
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(573): View more from Missouri

I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair

(573): View more from Missouri

Found more tequila

Fav 9 4883 839
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

Fav 64 17732 2057
share tweet
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(707): View more from California

get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.

Fav 25 1078 5735
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.

Fav 14 4135 1634
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(585): View more from New York

He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.

Fav 10 4220 1594
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(510): View more from California

This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?

(925): View more from California

Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.

Fav 7 3531 885
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(810): View more from Michigan

I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.

Fav 1 1484 586
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT