One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life