She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.