Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.