Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.