Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
