when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
