Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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