Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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