I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
