Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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