I want to make a zoo with you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Randomize