I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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