and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
