i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
