I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
