I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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