Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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