I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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