Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
