there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
