we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
