I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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