I wannas sexs uuuuu
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
