they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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