As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
