3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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