Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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