White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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