it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
