i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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