I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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