um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
