Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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