I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
