So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it because I queefed?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
