you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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