I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
