when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
