I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm always down for nudity.
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