Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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