I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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