My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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