Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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