Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
